All I Can Say Is "Thank You"

Hmm...why didn't I post my birthday on my Facebook? Maybe it was egotistic of me to think people would remember my birthday. I don't know, but it bothers me when people wish other people "Happy Birthday" just for the sake of being polite. Personally, I know that when I see it's an aquaitance's birthday on Facebook I go through this whole thing - should I wish them a happy birthday?...even when I haven't said a word to them the whole past year (not since their last birthday)? I feel it just saves people the trouble if I didn't post my birthday. Also, that it's nice to see who truly remembers. Although that may be very hypocritical of me 'cuz I have a terrible memory. >_>;

But anyways, this birthday, my 18th, was really great. It all started last night when my former Herald Gospel Camper, Stella, found out it'd be my birthday soon so she started telling all the HGC people who know me (IM-ed them, spammed their facebook walls, announced it over her statuses, etc.) Before I knew it, I got messages from HGC campers and counselors wishing me a happy birthday. I consider that her present to me - I loved it. Even moreso, it really touched me that she felt she didn't do enough; said that I deserved more. She's so considerate...she's truly been a blessing in my life.

I also ate dinner to celebrate with my family the night before. We went to Mr. Wasabi's and ordered so much sushi we couldn't finish it all. And I ordered green tea fried ice cream and bought a Carvel ice cream cake.

I smiled when I saw the snow this morning. My mom told me that it was snowing the day I was born, as well as the day my parents brought me home, covering my face with the blanket to protect me from the snow. Guess it's just a sentimental thing, but because of that I feel a connection with snow which brings me happiness. I'm still looking forward to the day I can walk past snow covered trees with the sunlight glistening off the snow-covered tree branches.

Then at church, at women's discipleship, Michelle and Lisa suprised me with a birthday cake (also from Lauren and Liz) - first cake of the day. I also received multiple texts and calls from people wishing me a happy birthday. After service, we loitered for a little bit before heading off to Long Island to (what first was California Pizza Kitchen then changed to) Olive Garden. It was really nice - I did not expect to celebrate with so many people but we had a table for 14. Also, it was really funny when I got two birthday songs from the waiters, don't know what the first one was for, but the second one involved a dessert haha. I consider that my second birthday cake since I got another bithday song and wish, and since the dessert was so good. (I was really full but it was still amazing.) And I thank my friends for paying for me - probably should've been smart enough to see that coming, but I didn't so I was suprised and of course really thankful.

Afterwards, some people headed home while others went off to Dave and Buster's. Technically all of us weren't allowed in but the bouncer/guard was nice. It was fun to show my ID and get an okay though haha. (Yay, I'm legal xD) Didn't expect to end up in an arcade on my birthday, but I'm glad I did. On the way home, it was a nice ride with the snow falling (though terrible for Dennis who was driving). When I got home I had my third cake - the carvel cake - with my family. Then I had quite a time responding to all the facebook birthday wishes and writing thank you's for the day. I hope to write some more, actual letters, to people who I think have really influenced me in the past 17 years. Hopefully, I won't get lazy >_<;

But as for now all I can say is Thank You. Thank you to all my family and friends who either wished me a happy birthday and/or celebrated with me. And most of all, Thank You God for everything and everyone you have blessed me with. For all three of my birthday wishes - that was basically it, because what else do I have to ask for? All I can do is say: Thank You♥

After more than two years could it really be true?
I'm afraid to make the same mistake again, to feel that pain again.
It doesn't seem possible anymore; a tantalizing dream.
But if it is, who am I to question a dream come true?
Because it seems to good to be true?
Or just live in blissful ignorance?
Not knowing is slowly torturing me,
and while I thought I was strong before,
I don't know if I can take it anymore.
I've heard it said that some days we're the dog,
and other days we're the fire hydrant.
These days I just feel like the fire hydrant.

So everyone's talking about how they're so excited for second term senior year when they can just sit back and do nothing. So I figure I should be excited even though that's what I've been doing since...after freshman year haha. Anyways, at least I'm keeping up with one of my new year's resolution which is to blog more, even though no one ever reads it, so it's basically become like journaling =] So...what to do second term senior year (last term of high school whoot!)...? Well, if I was to follow my new year's resolutions of using my time more efficiently, I hope to...
1 - Do my devotions and bible reading
2 - Finish homework, etc.
3 - [Fill in the blank]
Well, let's see...there's always sleep.... Or I could watch TV, read, or or...I could catch up on my asian dramas! Haha, my friend has yet to give me that list of dramas I must watch (self-reminder: must finish Autumn in my Heart), as well as all the Nicholas Spark books I must read =] Now I'm excited... But first midterm exams... =[

On a snowy saturday...

Jumping to submerge into a different world.
falling into fluid motions,
my body moving with the ebb and flow of the water,
hands angled to cut through the water.
The water masks my tears.
The sound of the rushing water drowning out all other noises,
allowing me to escape into my surreal world;
there's no confusion or pain,
simply serenity.
My liquid sanctuary.

----

There's so much I want to say,
so much I want to do,
but I just sit here,
waiting,
wishing...

Just Reflecting...

I feel like I've gone wrong somewhere...messed up little by little, sometimes a lot. Anyways I don't know how I've gotten to this state where I currently am. It's getting harder and harder to look forward; my vision's so short-term these days. Even in the now - no idea what I'm doing. Only thing I can seem to do these days is look back, but even then it doesn't help much, can't seem to figure out what happened to lead me to this point. Simply going through the motions of life, but without truly being there in the moment. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore....

Praying for guidance....

Another New Year's Resolution

...Be more considerate to/of others

Reflecting on what I've done/said (or haven't done/said) lately, I don't feel anything close to the person I wish to be. Hope to change that.... A work in progress, so forgive me for my mistakes.

Wow it's only January 6th and I'm already failing on my new year's resolutions.... But must try...must persevere...I even found some quotes to help me:

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. ~J.G. Holland

The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown

Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers. ~Author Unknown

When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. ~George Bernard Shaw

Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. ~Author Unknown

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers

God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. ~Author Unknown

For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~T.S. Eliot

So I figured it out - here's my list of what I want in a husband:

In terms of personality:
- like-minded passions in life; Christian
- kind, selfless, generous, considerate
- able to make me laugh
- romantic
- smart, able to hold a conversation with, high/average EQ (emotional intelligence), clever
- wise
- responsible, but sometimes spontaneous and able to convince me to relax and let loose
- trust worthy
- same taste in music and other interests (sports, traveling,etc.)

In terms of looks:
- taller than me
- broad shouldered

Tall order? Maybe. Give me a few more years to prioritize the list and figure out which are the most important.

Happy New Year - 2009!

Just some food for thought to begin the 2009 with...
If romantics will never be satisfied with a flawed existence, is it still worthwhile to hope for, or should we all just become cynics?

My Plans for 2009:
- Limit instant messaging usage (it's so impersonal and people's conversations don't reflect their actions when it comes down to it)
- Spend more time cultivating my spiritual life (bible reading, prayer, devotionals, podcast sermons)
- Stay in shape past swim season
- Stop procrastinating on my work/better time management, and be more serious about my work/grades
- Learn to cook
- Journal/blog more often
- Fix my sleeping schedule (includes stop sleeping in class)
- Use brain power on relevant thoughts (better use of time and energy also); better directed passions
- Learn to be more confident in/comfortable with myself
...to be continued...