Because you make me sentimental

Although we don't see each other often, everytime we talk it's like we were never apart. I thank you for all the times you've comforted me when I cried and needed help, and I hope to continue to do the same for you. I can confidently say that knowing you has made me a better person. You encourage me and give me advice in everything I do. Many people think I have everything in order, that I never have panic attacks or worry about anything, but I pale poorly in comparison to you. You've had to go through so much already, yet most cannot see this side life that you are forced to live, that's how well you pull it off. It's people like you whose story draws tears, yet never have I heard you cry out in exasperation "why?!" Instead, you concentrate on those even less fortunate, and can pull through on those whims of "good" days, or sometimes just mere moments. I don't know how you do it. When I think about it, I'm the one who cries out Why?! How come she has to go through this?! Like you said, you don't know what will happen, and neither do I, but I can tell you this, that I will be there for you...the whole way. My prayers go out for you and your family. Love you.

Embracing Accusations

Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountain looks so big
And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

you can't do it
"I will bring praise"
you don't deserve it
"No weapon forged against me shall remain"
they don't care
"I will rejoice"
you don't matter
"I will declare"
there's no one you can turn to
"God is my victory and He is here"

Borrowing words of wisdom because mine no longer make sense

Lately I've been busy thinkin'
And this is what's been on my mind
It seems like all I do is work for You, Lord
But I feel empty on the inside
I know that work is an important part
Oh but this is also true
My dilemma is an issue of the heart
When I try to live for you without you
I don't need to try to be The flawless example
Lifted up for everyone to see
I don't need to stand and shout it " Hey I've got the answer!"
If your presence is living in me
I won't need to talk about it
In a church committee
For the world to know the truth
All I need to do is just be me
Being in love with you
I've been spending all my time
And all my efforts trying to make you proud of what you see
But to my great surprise I have realized
Nothing that I do can change your love for me
- "Being In Love With You", Big Daddy Weave

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." (Matt. 5:21-22, NIV)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person's eye." (Matt. 7:1-5, TNIV)

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last." (Matt. 20:16, NIV)

Too Comfortable

I think most people who know me know that I can be a real b**** many times. Not that it's an excuse for the way I've been acting or the things that I regret saying. Guess I've just been getting too comfortable around certain people, or just becoming too lax, and that leads to me being inconsiderate. So sorry if I've done or said anything to get on your nerves, hope you know I don't mean it.

I need to get back on track with my devotionals....

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.
- Ephesians 5:15-17

High School Fair

Bronx Science...what is a title worth? Apparently a lot to most people, but it's sepulchral really. Overcrowded...underfunded...despotic administration...survival of the most diligent...they'll find out the truth when it's too late, or most will come anyways and just tough it out like the rest of us have. People (or rather the parents, the students either don't show up or stay in the back) go to the student representatives hoping to get a better understanding of the school, but I'll say that by 1pm I was dead tired from BS-ing so much about BS.

"So why did you pick Bronx Science and what do you like about it?" Uhh...'cause I didn't get into Stuy? What do I like about Bronx Science?....uh...I don't know.... I can say what I don't like about my school...

"Is everyone at Bronx Science super smart? Like do you do a lot of work?" Hahaha...and work?! You're asking the wrong person.

Of course I didn't actually say that. Actually, I found it was easy to reinterate all the BS our school had indoctrinated into us about its advantages. Guess if you live the lie long enough you begin to believe it. People will stand up for things they hate, because when it comes down to it we're not willing to sacrifice our pride.

In the end the parents just wanted to make sure that what they've heard about the school is true. However, the irony is this: BxSci sent it's honor students...high GPAs, honors and AP classes, club officers, team members (speech&debate, golf, swimming, etc.)...what BxSci is all about, but in the end we all had to BS. All seniors - we all disliked our school.

The weirdest part is that I actually gained some school pride by the end of the day. Not necessarily for the school, but more like respect for my classmates, my swim team, my teachers. It will be my alma mater soon and it does have its good moments every once in a while. All I can do now is make the most of my senior year.

Wonder what college students representatives are really thinking when we ask them about about their colleges....