That was what my Boon Church Coffeehouse nametag said. (Well actually at first I said "humbleness" but then Stanley pointed out that 'humbleness' wasn't actually a word. Note to self: Do not become a writer, you'll become a bum.)
Anyways, while I'm reluctant to admit it, I was actually thinking about what to write on that "nametag" for a while. My first thought was to write 'true love', but then I thought that was cliché. Then was going to write 'happyness' because it related to Dan's message that he was giving that night, but that would've been even more cliché. So after thinking some more about my current condition and what I really desire...to grow in spiritual maturity... I finally admitted that I needed to be more humble. (I began to discern that all my recent failures and problems have been the result of lack of care for others and being inconsiderate of others.)
Looking back at my past entries, all the posts have been pretty selfish. As I recently subscribed to Pastor Eugene Hor's blog, Mark Driscoll's Blog, and John Piper's fan page on Facebook, I see what they post compared to what I post and I can't help but mentally smack myself for constantly thinking of myself. It's been really encouraging to read their posts about their church as well as the nation-wide church, and the global church. Having dug myself so deep into my hole, I don't think I can fully comprehended the amazing work He's doing in the U.S. and in the world at this time; instead the posts that hit closest to home are those about their churches. As the time approaches when I leave NYC for college, thoughts about Boon Church and my relationships with my friends, as well as my expectations for my college fellowship(s)/church have been bombarding my mind. What do I picture when I envision the ideal church? A phrase from one of Reverend Don's past sermons pops into my head..."to be with people I love, that love each other, and that love me." A church characterized by love...selflessness and not selfishness. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. (John 15:12-14)
And I think in light of recent sermons (by Dan Shih and Pastor Scott) from Colossians 3 I think I know what I should do... "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. [...] since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Col. 3:1-3, 9-17)
While I knew these verses before, I truly needed God to show me up before I was able to (once again) put aside my pride and surrender humbly to His Word and trust in His plan.
The first lesson was Boon Church's 2009 Coffeehouse. I hadn't remembered inviting any friends but apparently I had invited people when the Facebook invite first came out. I was going to Coffeehouse not expecting to see any friends so I was really suprised when I saw two friends show up, one of which would rarely be at a church event but showed up because of another friend, and the other had just decided to come out of nowhere. Under the impression that non-believers had to be coerced into church events, it was really humbling to see how God doesn't need me. While neither had a so called life-changing experience I am trusting in Him that He is planting seeds.
His second lesson was with a Herald Gospel Camp camper that I had been worried about. As her previous counselor and one of the people she had confided in before, I felt such a pressure to help her when I heard some troubling news. Going up to visit camp the other day I felt so confident that once I saw her face-to-face that she had to talk to me and would stop avoiding me, but I was so wrong. It was quite disappointing that night when I headed back down after hearing about her unwillingness to open up and without having her say a single sentence to me other than "Leave me alone!" The feeling of failure hung on my shoulders. Thus when I received an email that she had opened up later on, it was truly a joyous occasion.
These lessons in humility have truly shown me that everything is in His Hands. Looking back I'm glad I wasn't able to accomplish much lately so that I know it's not by my own merit so I can boast, but by His hands so I can praise Him.
Praise Him, for He is Good.
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