First off, I apologize for the unorganized structure of this posts, I just want to at least get all my typed out.
I don't know where to start... so much has happened in such a short time. This weekend has definitely been one of abundant blessings.
Things I Need to Work On:
- God as first priority, first love, other loves are like hate in comparison
- discipline
- meeting with God daily
While God has placed a lot of burdens on my heart in terms of ways I need to become a better disciple, He has also calmed my heart in reassuring me that I've found my church in Philadelphia. I've decided to stick with Grace Covenant Church, and for now I'll be at the University City site.
- GCC's sister church, Journey Church of Atlanta, (planted 5 years ago) has been growing rapidly
A Challenge for College Students: College is such a great time and place to be doing ministry, never again will you have so much time on your hands to focus on God, nor will you have such a close community to nurture you. just the same, for non-believers it can be a great time of questioning and so colleges are such great unharvested mission fields, so spread the good news. use your college time wisely.
Prayer Requests:
- GCC's Boston church plant - spiritual, human, and financial resources; for Pastor Barry and his family and the other GCCer's, for their jobs and living situations; for a church location
- For Journey Church of Atlanta, to continue to expand and impact the surrounding community
- Accountability, fellowship, spiritual growth, commitment, and good discussion between my BMC sisters and I
But do I really believe it? There's many times when I'll compare myself to other people. Academically, morally, character-wise, looks, you name it, everything. And every once in a while these insecurities will bubble to the surface so that they're clearly visible to others. Friends will try to reassure me, saying "You're better than that Peony." And while I may brush it off at that moment, the feelings never go away.
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While we may have head knowledge that nothing we can do or gain will satisfy our souls, that God is the only One who we can depend on.... Nevertheless, do we truly live like we believe that Christ's love gives us worth?
Tonight GCC family group resumed and we continued our study on the Book of Genesis. The passage was Genesis 25:19-34. We talked about realizing the value of our inheritance with Christ in the Kingdom of God; to not be foolish like Esau in looking for instant, earthly gratification, but holding on for better, eternal treasures.
Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:2-3)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Today I printed out my record of the credits I earned so far. I realized that AP courses did kind of come in handy in terms of helping me get rid of some divisional requirements. Then the thought occurred to me of whether I could graduate early. Taking a closer looking at the requirements for graduation, pre-med, a psychology major, a neuro-behavioral sciences concentration, and a chinese minor, I realized that I would have to drop my concentration and my minor as well as take summer classes if I wanted to graduate early. And of course my schedule would be packed, all the while I would have to boost my GPA to get into med school. But is it worth it...?
So much to do... feeling quite overwhelmed. Can't wait until this week is over.
I must admit that for this past Friday afternoon and this morning, crawling out of bed for fellowship and service was terribly difficult. Exhaustion told me not to leave the warmth of my blankets, but what was left of the little discipline I had in me told me that I should go. In the end I'm so glad I went to both fellowship and service.
This past Friday Night Live was Prayer Night. Pastor Young preached on Luke 8:40-56 about how we need to be desperate to meet with God. Talking and praying with my sisters afterwards, it was so encouraging to hear them say that they wanted to change their attitudes, to encounter God, or simply to know more about Him. Also, I felt a real community sense between GCC that night - to be prayed over and to share and pray together with my sisters in Christ. (We prayed for two hours and it didn't feel long at all.)
This morning's service was on Mark 2:1-12. Pastor Young opened up with news about GCC's church plant in Boston. It was inspiring to hear about how God has been really working and expanding His kingdom, especially when it comes to college students. It was only five years ago that GCC planted a church in Atlanta and in two years that church grew and became financially independent. I pray for the same kind of kingdom growth for our Boston church plant. By the way, if you're in Boston or going to be in Boston, and you're not plugged into a church, talk to me! Pastor Young ended the sermon talking about the strength of community: That when we're unable to reach Jesus ourselves, we'll need faithful brothers and sisters to carry us to Jesus. Often times I have to remind myself that while I may disagree with a brother/sister, that in the end, I'm no better and that Christ's love and sacrifice is bigger than both of us. We're called to love one another, no if's or but's.
Currently Listening To: The Power of Your Name, Lincoln Brewster
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It's only been a few days since I've been back at Bryn Mawr and it already feels like I've been here for at least a week...maybe even two. I've been so tired these last couple of days and it feels like I've done so much already. And it seems like the more I take time to relax and try to figure things out, the more I fall behind on work I have to do.
Today was only the second day of classes...what the hell is wrong with me...?
From Dec. 31st 2009, a 2010 new year's resolution of mine:
To do margin notes for the book of ______. - can be OIA style (with the help of "How to Read the Bible Book by Book") - memorize important scripture verses - with an accountability partner?
I have yet to choose a Christian book. But in terms of Bible reading, I've decided to go over some "basics" and start with the book of Matthew. Just used 30 pages (double sided) of ink and paper. Yay for free college printing ^^;
From my graded final Philosophy paper from last semester:
I wrote: "Christ took all our sins upon Himself to bring us back into relationship with God."
Professor responded: "Why does God do this if we are the cause of the suffering?"
Good question. I don't think any of us will ever truly grasp how wide or how deep God's love and grace for us is.
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Posted below is the essay because someone asked to read it for a shortened answer to the question of why there is evil and suffering in the world. While I still recommend reading "A Case for Faith" by Lee Strobel, if you would like the "condensed" version, then sure go ahead. Although, here's a forewarning that my essay is six pages double spaced. (By the way, not sure why anyone would want to plagiarize it, but please don't anyways.)
The Coexistence of a Benevolent, Omniscient,
and Omnipotent God and Evil and Suffering
Many people deny the existence of a benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent God due to the existence of evil and suffering in the world. However, why must the existence of one mean the inexistence of the other? In this essay, I will elucidate on the coexistence of such a God as well as evil and suffering due to the concept of free will.
Augustine’s response to such a question led to the following reasoning: God created all things, and all things created by God are good. If evil is not good, then evil must not have been created by God. Moreover, if God created all things and God did not create evil, then evil is not a thing. Augustine reasoned that all things were made with goodness and thus evil itself does not exist. In other words, evil is the privation of goodness. This concept is similar to the scientific concept of coldness. Cold itself does not exist, but rather, cold is the absence of heat.
In order to explain the existence of evil and suffering, Augustine introduced the concept of free will. God gave humans free will. Thus humans have the choice to either react positively or negatively to a situation. Therefore, evil occurs not because one chooses to do evil. Instead, evil occurs when one does not choose the right course of action. Consequently, suffering is the result of evil. In Augustine’s reasoning there is a hierarchy of varying degrees of goodness. When one turns away from a greater good and chooses a lesser good, this choice can lead to doing evil and the consequence of such an action would cause suffering. Moreover, it is not the action itself that is evil, but it is the choice not to act upon the greater good and to choose the lesser good that is immoral. In the words of Augustine, evil is a “perversion of the will, turned aside from God”[1] to lesser things.
For example, if a person were to see another person starving and freezing in the cold on the street, the observer has three options. He or she could add to the person’s suffering, do nothing and question why God does not help this agonizing individual, or help the individual. The observer has the free will to choose the last of the three options, to love the affected individual which is the greatest good, or the observer could choose the first two options of lesser good. If he or she chooses to feed, clothe, and house the homeless person then the person’s suffering would be alleviated. However, to choose to make the person suffer more or to choose not to aid the suffering individual, the observer would be further perpetuating the individual’s suffering. This is because to neglect one’s needs is the same as adding to one’s misery; both do nothing to alleviate the person’s suffering. Thus, whether one was to add to another individual’s suffering or neglect the individual’s needs, one would nevertheless be choosing an option of lesser good, resulting in evil and continuing the cycle of suffering.
Moreover, Augustine was not the only philosopher to believe in the concept of a source of good. The philosopher Plato would agree with Augustine. Plato’s theory of the Forms is very similar to Augustine’s beliefs. Plato believed in a world of Forms, where everything is infinite, abstract, and eternal. However, when we came into the world as human beings, Plato believed we became physical, temporal, and finite. Augustine would refer to the world of Forms as heaven and our state in our current world as fallen and sinful. According to Plato’s theory of the Forms, there would be a Form of goodness. Moreover, Plato would argue that it is this Form of goodness that allows people to recognize the difference between good and lack of good, or bad. Augustine would refer to this Form of goodness as God. Therefore, evil can be considered evidence for the existence of God. For if people can recognize that something is not right when evil and suffering occur, then they also acknowledge the way the situation should be. In other words, they recognize both the evil and good. If one were to use the existence of evil, or the lack of good, to disprove the existence of God, then it would also be reasonable for that person to acknowledge the existence of good in the world as evidence for God. Thus, if one were to acknowledge the evil in the world, he or she must also acknowledge the good in the world; both are evidence for the existence of a benevolent God.
I agree with Augustine that there can be the coexistence of an all-good, all-knowing, and all-powerful God as well as evil and suffering. I do not blame God for the existence of evil and suffering in the world. I believe humans are to be held responsible for our own actions, both the good and the bad. God created humans with free will, and it is with that choice that humans can choose to do good or not do good, which can result in evil actions and cause suffering. Nevertheless, free will is necessary. Without free will, humans would not be able to do many things characteristic of humans, namely love. Love is a trait intrinsic of God’s nature, and thus it is intrinsic of a human’s nature as well, for humans are created in God’s image. Therefore, the lack of free will would make humans analogous to robots. In order to do evil or to love, both actions entail a choice and require free will. If free will did not exist, then the problem of evil and suffering would be solved; this world would be void of evil and suffering. However, such a world would not be what God wants, for such a world would also be void of love. For without choice, humans cannot make the conscious decision to be selfless for the sake of another, the ultimate good. In God’s eyes, the loss of evil in the world would not be worth the loss the love in the world. Thus, while a world without evil may appear to be the ideal world, such a world would also lack love. Thus it would not truly be the ideal world. Furthermore it can even be said that a world without free will, without evil and suffering, would be a world without humans. Thus, for God to create a world with free will, the possibility for humans to do evil is also created. Nevertheless, it is up to us to decide what to do with our free will – to condone or perpetuate evil and suffering, or to love and end evil and suffering.
Nonetheless, one may argue that a loving God would not be able to withstand the suffering of His beloved children. Therefore, God is not loving, not omniscient, or not able to do something to alleviate the suffering. For example, if God is suppose to be a fatherly figure, how can He allow bad things to happen to His children, like when people are hit by a car? Is it that God did not care, did not foresee the accident, or that He could not do anything to stop the accident?
When one is faced with this question it is easy to deny the existence of a benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent God. However, such an assumption may be reckless. For in the end, we must acknowledge that we are humans with finite understanding trying to understand the ways of an infinite God. If this God is truly omniscient, we should recognize that is possible that God had the wisdom to foresee the future good that could come from a seemingly bad incident. In the worst case scenario, if one were to be killed in a car accident, who are we as humans with limited knowledge to say that death is a negative outcome? With God’s understanding, death may be the best possible occurrence to happen to someone. For example, even Christians can attest that for them, to die is to gain because they can finally spend eternity with God. Furthermore, many people assert that suffering and trials have taught them life lessons. Moreover, if spiritual maturity is of importance to God, then it is reasonable that God would allow temporary hardship if it means that the individual were to grow spiritually. To God, the purpose of life is not comfort, but a person’s increasing spiritual growth. Therefore, if hardships are needed for one to mature spiritually, then it is understandable that God would allow temporary trials. In addition, if the existence of evil and suffering were evidence against the existence of God, then why is it that the people with the strongest faith are those who have undergone the most trials and hardships? Therefore, since God is omniscient, He is able to withstand the suffering people go through because He is able to foresee the future good it will bring them. Furthermore, as an omnipotent God, He knows He is able to restore everything to that way He intended it to be when the time is right. The temporary suffering would lead to an eternal product of a world of souls refined through hardship and growth. It is only because of God’s benevolence and Grace that He delays the day when he restores the world to what it should be for that day will also be the Day of Judgment.
Lastly, the issue of evil and suffering bothers many people because we find the suffering to be undeserved. No one would be complaining if bad things only happened to “bad people.” However, what constitutes a “good” person? God’s standard of “good” is perfection, a state no one can reach. Thus, in God’s eyes, everyone has fallen short of His standards. We have all at one time in our lives broken one of God’s laws, and thus we have broken the whole of the law; we are all criminals in God’s view. Nevertheless, God shows His benevolence, or love, for us; He sent His son Jesus Christ to take our punishment when we did not deserve it. Thus, for those who believe that God does not act in our suffering, God has in fact done the opposite. God incarnate, Christ, took our sufferings upon Himself. Our God is not a distant God, but a God who humbled Himself to experience all the pain we experience – physical, emotional, and spiritual. Then, in the act of the crucifixion on the cross, Christ took all our sins upon Himself to bring us back into relationship with God. As a result, we can rejoice in the future of heaven, and it is heaven that will make all the sufferings we endure in this current life pale in comparison to God’s glory.
Therefore when God gave humans free will for the possibility of the greatest good, He also allowed humans to choose lesser options. This has consequently led to the varying degrees of good, or evil and suffering, which exist in this world. Nevertheless, as a benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent God, He only allows the evil and suffering for a limited time. God has a plan to restore everything as it should be – a world without evil and suffering.
Back at Bryn Mawr for spring term. Winter break passed by so quickly. A lot to think about but no time now.
Crud... grades for fall term came out. I got a lot of damage control to do.... If I can't get them back up after this term, maybe I'll reconsider pre-med.
On a brighter note, GCC's winter retreat is coming up, Jan 29-31. Something to look forward to.
Currently Listening To: - What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts - Hate That I Love You, Rihanna - How Do I Breathe, Mario
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
It's only been my third day in the hospital during this externship with a doctor in the neuro-oncology department at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). After my first day I remember I had the thought that I had had enough; I was emotionally drained. But I felt I should stick out the week. Good thing I did. While things did get a little easier because I saw some more hopeful cases, there were still others that were heart-wrenching. If I walk away having learned nothing medical from this externship I'll still be satisfied; this experience with cancer patients and their families has thought me more about love, compassion, dedication, determination, hope, faith, life, and death then I could ever hope to learn in such a short time. It's knowledge like that which makes a true doctor anyways, not simply medical knowledge. I'll elaborate more another day when I can type on more than just my iTouch.
First off, I want to apologize because I had originally planned to write personalized letters to each one of you but due to my poor time management and lack of self-discipline, I must resort to one letter to all of you instead. While this letter is addressed to all of you, there are certain parts that I had specific people in mind while writing, I hope they know who they are. (I will make one shout-out to my best friend Lisa Lee though: yours was the first letter I was writing before this process became one conjoined letter, so don't say I'm putting any brothers before you!)
Anyways, it's been a while since I've written letters to people (or even since I've formed coherent sentences after finals week ended), but I wanted to wish everyone the very best for the coming new year. I pray that it may be a year of few regrets and may God's Grace overflow for the grievances we do let slip past us. As always, I'm grateful to have everyone as a fellow brother or sister in Christ and friend; I give thanks to God for each of you. I pray that out of His glorious riches that He may only continue to bless you and deepen our relationship.
For those at/from home in NYC, it's been very encouraging to see you grow so much spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Even though I haven't been away at college for that long, sometimes it feels like it's been a few years already. But I'm very glad I always have your company to look forward to when I return. I'm thankful that no matter the distance, I can still rely on you. And for those who know me well enough, I hope you can forgive me when I annoy you with trivial matters (and then don't listen to your advice), or if I have ever failed you. I can never express how happy I am to have friends who accept me for who I am and forgives my faults like you do.
To those I have had the pleasure of meeting in Philadelphia, you've been an amazing testament of God's love in my life. To truly leave home, friends, and family for the first time in my life, meeting everyone in Philly has shown me what it's like to be cradled in God's embrace. I thank you for making Philly feel like a second home. I'm glad to have met people who I feel I count on in college as well as many years after college. I look forward to the many more good times that we'll spend together in the future.
Continue to be a servant for Him and an example for those both younger and older than you. Stay true to the charge given to you to look after the spiritual health of those around you. May God's Word always be a lamp unto your feet and streams of living water in the desert. Praise be to Him always and may you let Him be your Rock and Redeemer when storms come in your life. But of course, remember your brothers and sisters will also be there for you. Not sure what God will have in store for us, but He is faithful and I know He will complete the good work He started in us. So continue to stand strong in Him, remembering your identity in Christ Jesus. To the brothers, continue to look after the sisters. To the sisters, continue to look after the brothers.
Let us continue to encourage one another to never give up hope. While uncertain paths may lie before us, let us nevertheless turn our gazes heavenward and rejoice that we have victory in Him and fellowship with one another. Have a happy new year =)